Early memories

One of my earliest specific memories of Benjy was on his third night. We were still in hospital because he had jaundice and had to be treated with phototherapy. The midwifes had him under the phototherapy lights in the nursery and would bring him to me when he needed a feed. The first time they took him away from me to the nursery I cried my heart out. But I remember so distinctly when they woke me up for his feed a couple of hours later. It was probably about 1am, and when they woke me up and I saw his little face peeping out of the blanket they'd swaddled him in - I think that was the moment I really fell in love with him. He used to make an 'o' shape with his mouth, and I have such a distinct memory of that little round mouth and those big round eyes, as the midwife handed him to me. They left me alone with him, and I remember just holding him so close, breathing him in, loving him more each second.

Another thing I remember from those very early days was his smell. I didn't know it was possible to remember a smell, but I do, and so distinctly. We came home from hospital when he was 4 days old and bathed him, and that wonderful smell went away then. But as I write this, I can almost smell his brand new baby smell.

A few other things I want to remember from when he was really tiny - how excited he would get to lie kicking under his mobile; how Eddie used to play 'touch the sky' with him; and how he would pounce on my breast so suddenly and ferociously that Gabi used to say it was like watching shark attacks on the Discovery Channel!